Area Teen Shops for School Supplies Solo

BILLINGS, MONTANA– According to sources from three different stores, a local teenager purchased school supplies alone today.

“He just walked in here, grabbed a notebook, some binders, a few pencils, and some other crap and left,” said Wal*Mart greeter, Edith Shruuden. “He must have no life or something.”

In addition to a notebook, some binders, and a few pencils, the adolescent was rumored to have purchased eco-friendly Sticky Notes, a wooden ruler, and copy paper. Local Target store shopper Fred Huffman believed that the seemingly innocent school supplies were being used for a more sinister purpose.


Fred Huffman, 42, believed the area teen had different motives for purchasing earth-friendly school supplies.

“Eco-friendly Sticky Notes and a wooden ruler? This guy is clearly an eco-terrorist. Nobody buys earth friendly products,” said a concerned Huffman on Saturday night.

The area teenager stopped at Target, Wal*Mart, and Barnes and Noble. He purchased multiple items at Target and Wal*Mart, but only purchased one sketchbook at B&N.

“Yeah, that kid was weird. He awkwardly walked into the store, looked at the Moleskine notebooks for a bit, and then settled for a cheaper brand,” noted a Barnes and Noble cashier, who asked that his name remained anonymous. “He was pretty clumsy too. He dropped a nickel when I gave him his change.”

After purchasing all of his academic utensils, the area teenager went home and spent the rest of the night watching Saturday Night Live and checking Facebook like a total loser.


– Will

P.S. I love The Onion. And because I love the Onion so much, I decided to write a post that was similar in format to some of the articles on the Onion. I don’t plan on doing anything like this again, but what did you guys think? Let me know in a comment.

P.S.S. Comment on the other bloggers’ posts too. We want to know what you like!

One response to “Area Teen Shops for School Supplies Solo

  1. this is my favorite post ever. better than that one you wrote on thefinalsummer.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s