The Love Conundrum: A 2011 Discusssion

Another lecture, and this is not quite so general or man-based.  I know that everyonee, regardless of gender, race, creed, or cell phone provider has felt extremely strong feelings somebody not related to you (and please, don’t be totally gross).  Perhaps a boyfriend or girlfriend, or, if you’re lucky like most of us, perhaps not.  Regardless, the potential for attraction exists, and probably has come to fruition.  But now let’s begin the conundrum.

I recently told somebody that I love them who is neither my girlfriend nor related to me.  She has, in fact, been dating someboy for over a year that iss not me.  This woulod normally be considered a bad thing because I more or less am “attempting to break up the relationship.”  However, this is not true, and I will explain more later.  After I told her I loved her, she said that he wouldn’t leave her boyfriend for me because she loves him.  She was shocked that I told her I didn’t want her to, at least not for me.  In fact, after we talked further, she has yet to talk to me since we ended the conversation.

When I told her I loved her, I in no way had any romantic attachments to her.  I didn’t want any then, I don’t now, and I probably won’t in the future (never say never).  As I told her, I just want to be “there.”  And that’s all.  I wanted her to know when I told her I loved her, that, no matter what happened, I would be there.  She could be drunk in the Heights (though I don’t know of her drinking) and call me at my house half-way between West and Laurel, and I’d go get her and take her home.  She could just want somebody to talk to, and if she called, I’d do everything in my power to be there.  I see her, or think about her, and I wantt to take care of her and make sure that she’s OK.  And I don’t understand why that’s so hard to comprehend without the romantic attachments.  I am assuming that, when she told me she loves her boyfriend, she means the same thing I do – she’d do anything for him.

Society has seen the idea of love and decided that it doesn’t seem to need to jump on the sexual revolution bandwagon.  Sure, a father loves his son and I love you, man, but this has yet to come across between a man and a woman.  There is the whole platonic thing, but that has truthfully lost the “love” that it used to have.  Today, it’s a platonic relationship.  And there can be a relationship without love.  This does not mean that friendships can’t have love within them, but if such is the case, is it said with the same sense of conviction?  Would you see this person and do anything that asked for almost without question?  Would you tell them that they should not talk to you for their own good?

This is where the conundrum arrives – where is the error?  Why is there such confusion?  Is the problem in that society has associated love for a member of the gender of attraction (girls for straight males, guys for straight females, etc) with romantic ties?  Or is the problem in thinking that love cannot truly exist in the true sense of the word without a romantic attachment?

Consider this a class discussion.  Everyone and eeveryone (though especially 2011 auhors) are welcome, and in fact inited and almos expected (by me) to attempt to put in their own two cents on the mattter.  If you have nothing to say, then say nothing.  But if you have a view, an answer, an opinion, evidence, a joke, anything, please, let everyone know.  I know my opinions, but I’d love to hear another point of view.

2 responses to “The Love Conundrum: A 2011 Discusssion

  1. I do agree with this because I am in the same situation where I was in love with a guy but I never wanted to ruin that relationship at all I just wanted him to know that I will never leave him at all and if he needed anything i was just a phone call away…….but the word love is just thrown around lately it is a big word but no one understands it….. Come on people no one knows the word loves mean anymore…

  2. I feel that they get it, but only from one perspective – the romantic, like I talked about. I don’t know you’re feelings, but if you’re agreeing with me, then my guess is that you don’t really want to be “with” him as “around” him. That’s how I feel. I have no romantic attraction to this girl now – I did, oh I did – but I don’t now. I just want to be around her in case she needs me or wants me.

    But it is a very sad thing, to only see love from this one perspective. It should be much more free than that. But perhaps they see my love as being too open and, in fact, completely void in the meaning of the word. And to each his own. I simply wanted a survey.

    Thanks for sharing, Hayley. ^_^

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