Broke as Sh*t (…or “Financially Challenged”)

You know it’s going to be a crappy week ahead when you get a paycheck that’s barely over a hundred-bucks. As if the meager paycheck wasn’t enough, essential expenses suddenly appear out of nowhere. Your car’s gas needle has gone past the big “E”,  you’re two weeks overdue for a haircut, and you’re hungry. Also, you’re tired of being stuck at home and quickly lunge at any opportunity to get the hell out of the bloody penitentiary. When you finally come home from a long night, you have some stupid song in your head and you suddenly feel the need to go on a “new music binge”. After buying an album and two songs, you’ve racked up 10 greenbacks on iTunes alone.


Then you go to work at your stupid retail job all weekend and see that everything is on-sale. The hella-cheap prices and the illusion of having money to spend (since you just got a paycheck) lure you into buying a new shirt and some stunna shades that will make all the ladies look your way. Money well spent, right? [HELL YEAH! :D]

Just to be on the safe side, you check your account balance online. You somehow managed to make out clean with forty-bucks left to spend for the next two weeks. Next week is going to suck, but you’ve gone through worse times, right? No big deal.

Wrong. Two transactions hadn’t gone through yet when you were checking your account balance. You don’t realize this until the next day when you try to withdraw ten-dollars from the ATM at lunchtime. Everything seems to be going well until you are greeted with the horrifying “Insufficient Funds” screen that immediately floods your being with embarrassment, humiliation, and frustration. Not only are you surprised to be flat broke, but you realize that you didn’t have a back up plan for lunch. Your stomach rumbles loudly at this thought, so you quickly double-check your bank account balance from your phone. As you frantically type the appropriate account numbers and passwords, the need for food intensifies. Everything around you smells like food– hot, delicious food that would end the torturous feeling of hunger in your stomach.

You finally reach the account listings and see your checking account balance: $2.04.

You can’t buy much with two-dollars and four-cents. In fact, you can barely afford a candy bar and a coke. There is little chance that you’ll make it through the next two weeks unscathed unless you can somehow quickly stumble upon some cash or take out a small loan ’til payday.

It’s not looking good… not at all.

Take a deep breath, broke fellow, for all is not lost. The next two weeks will still suck, but there is a snowball’s chance that you will not have to borrow a dime during your time as a broke ass. Simply drive more efficiently, pack a lunch, and avoid spending whenever possible (because you don’t have money to spend anyway, that should be easy).

You will survive. You only need to last until next Friday…

– Will

P.S. Anyone else living the “Broke as Sh*t” lifestyle right now? Share your pain in the comment box below.

One response to “Broke as Sh*t (…or “Financially Challenged”)

  1. No.
    My mom just put 75 dollars in my checking account.
    My grandma gave me 100.

    Because I’m an elitist.

    That’s why.

    Now go do your homework to become an elitist like me.

    P.S.(moreso, it’s because my mom has pity due to the fact I have no job and need gas. It’s gas money, not fun money. My grandma was helping me save for Speech nationals. Technically. HA. Still.)

    P.S.S. I’m sorry you have two bucks in your checking. I suggest stealing money from Sears, as well as other various corporations which wouldn’t even notice. HA. Kidding…kidding…for the record…

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