The Interwebz and Catz – A Addicshun


I Can Has Cheezburger

Everybody has some sort of vice. For that guy, it’s alcohol; for that girl, it’s crack cocaine; for that priest, it’s molesting. Maybe you have to have a coffee in the morning or you “just can’t function” I dunno, what am I, your mother? Look, it’s just kind of a fact that everybody has some sort of addiction. Mine is lolcats.

The bastard that started it all.

Well, was may be more appropriate now. I’ve been clean for a long time now. Go ahead, laugh at me, just like Fluffy up there. You may think I jest, but alas, I do not. See, lolcats can be seriously addicting. And you don’t realize how in the hole you are until you hit rock bottom. Allow me to elaborate. Until graduation, I did not have a laptop – I do now, but that’s only slightly important in that it inspired me to kick the habit. Now please, cut me some slack because the numbers are no longer accessible and it has been some time since I brought it up (the pain and whatnot), but I drift. I had over 1000 individual lolcat images saved on my hard drive. If I remember right, it was right around 1200.

1000 Roubles ~ $32 > the amount of money Opie has. Therefore, I had more lolcats than Opie does money.

If I had screencaps, I would show you just to prove it irrefutably. And that was just cats – it started it all. If you will, locats are like pot in that they are gateway and you get the munchies while feeling that warm fuzzy feeling. Because then loldogs came, followed by lolbirds, lolsquirrells, I even had a select few lolbears and lolgoats. I saved every single one to my computer, to a gross total of two or three hundred. But then, things got bad. Really, really bad. See, I had been slowly saving various other non-animal related lolz I had seen as well, so I called them just that – lolz. At first there were few only a few of them, until I realized what they really are – just a special, non-specific subset of the infamous Demotivators.

You can find more on my Facebook. Seriously. PS, f**k your flying sharks.

Do realize that I have not even begun to tell what I was actually doing. I was intentionally hunting these out attempting to find the best of the best and the wworst of the best and the worst of the worst and all that other shit in between. For hours, I would sit at I Can Has Cheezburger, flip through the pages until I found the exact lolcat where I had left off, then I would go forward until I reached the end. I never added any until I found my starting point so that I wouldn’t have duplicates, and I will say with great confidence (and lots of shame) that I did not have a single duplicate. It was a terrible addiction, because once I was done at ICHC, I went to GoogleImages search. Which is where I found my brand new subset of lolz – Dirty Lolz.

The tamest thing I could find while still being true.

For the love of all that is good and pure in this world, never, EVER fall down that road. It is a terrifying road. Absolutely terrifying. I wasn’t even looking them up to… get my own rocks of… in that sense. It was the collectors syndrome – I don’t have THAT one, so I totally need it! Really, I got no pleasure out of them once I made them my job. But I got lucky in that I got a laptop and didn’t want to cram it full of shit, and now they are gone from my desktop. I got out. But you may not be so lucky. Avoid lolcats all together. It’s just not worth the risk kids. At least, don’t hunt them out. If one pops up when you’re surfing, laugh at it, enjoy it, and move on. Don’t categorize them, number them, make them your screensaver and have so many that you can watch it for over an hour and a half and not see the same picture twice (I SERIOUSLY DID THAT!). because next thing you know, you’re going to see yourself type “underboob demotivator” into GoogleImage Search and you will have hit rock bottom. Learn my lesson, kiddies. Learn my lesson and save your souls, your psyches, and your retinas.

It’s only fitting.

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