Lately, I’ve been kind of frustrated with the whole “dating scene”. It seems like everywhere I look, there’s a bunch of couples acting all “couple-ish” together, and it makes me feel like a lonely bastard. I think I’m a pretty nice guy– why the hell am I alone?
In the midst of pondering that question and daydreaming about random things, I read a blog post on SparkLife that discusses the “Nice Guy” syndrome.
Not to be confused with a guy who’s just nice, the “Nice Guy” harbors romantic intentions toward his female friends, hides said intentions from himself and from her, and grows increasingly frustrated as the girl in question continues to date other guys. This is fruitless, frustrating, and it never ends well; in many cases, the embittered “Nice Guy” will eventually start acting like a jerk because he’s convinced that his “niceness” is keeping him in the friend zone, when the real problem is that girls can’t read his mind.
Well, shit. That would have been useful to know a long time ago. It would have prevented me from going through months of frustration and self-loathing, and then subsequent months of mild depression. Alas, it didn’t, and I’m still the bottled-up, angst-ridden teenager I’ve always been. The rest of the post continues through a discussion on the importance of confidence (something I usually lack in “public situations” for some unknown reason) and how chicks dig guys who are confident.
I get why confidence is valued. It makes sense– nobody wants to date a nervous twitcher who has zero self-confidence. At the same time, I’m often plagued by a constant fear of rejection that makes me seem really awkward. Recently, my “I don’t really care about much of anything” attitude has began to turn that fear into a feeling of “I don’t really give a shit what other people think anymore”-attitude, which I initially perceived to be a good thing.
Other posts on the SparkLife site said things about the importance of being nice to people. Yeah, that should be a total “DUH!”, but lately I’ve been kind of a grump ass. The whole “I don’t give a shit” attitude that I was complacent with because it was making me feel as if I had more self-confidence was actually turning me into a bitter asshole. I know that I’m supposed to be nice to other people, and I generally am pretty nice (though I wonder if some people actually recognize when I’m joking about something and not just being a dick sometimes…) to everyone. I don’t say mean things to people. In fact, I don’t really say much of anything to most people. I’m just kind of quiet because I think I’ll end up saying something stupid. That, or I’m just so damned tired that I can’t think of anything worth saying.
Essentially, I’ve come to realize something that should have been obvious all along:
- Girls like nice people.
- Girls like confident people.
- Girls like people who talk, and actually show that they like someone rather than pray for some miracle sign from above to show their affection.
So now that I’ve “woken up” and “seen the light”, I just need to do something with the new advice. “Being enlightened” and actually doing something with said advice are two very different things…