Author Archives: Joshua

Oh Captain, My Captain

So, apparently, there’s a big deal coming about, maybe you’ve heard of it (and no, for once it’s not me). There’s a new Captain America movie coming out soon, and you can watch the trailer for it here. Now, like his goody-too shoes DC compadre Superman (who Harrison Cooper talks about very eloquently at his blog The Hummus Offensive) the Cap gets a lot of flak for being an evidently simple character that is easily summable: America, fuck yeah; and you can’t beat my invincible shield. I think that this line of thinking is, as the Chinese say, wei wong (I’m going to Hell for that…) Captain America is my favorite superhero. Albeit, my view may be skewed because I’ve yet to actually read a Cap comic, but I’ve seen plenty of excerpts, read through plot lines, etc. I’ve done my research on the guy. And I love him, more than any other. But let’s get back to the purpose of this post, of which there are two primary lines of thought: to discuss how the character is incredibly deep, moving, and dynamic in comparison to static and simple; and my hopes, dreams, and fears about the movie that will come soon.

First, allow me to do this – the Captain is dead. The entire “time sync” shit Marvel is throwing out there is dumb and I believe (though have little evidence other than the author who killed him intending him to be dead forever as a statement) that it is a simple marketing ploy. Which is a shame. If the Cap solely belonged to the author, then he could kill him, and it would be terrible but it would give the final message. Instead, he and everything he stands for is being raped for a profit because why sell a superhero that is just going to die (see the whole movie thing and all the revenue it will generate from ticket sales and merchandise alone). Please keep that in mind if you read on. In fact, that arc (as well as his founding) will be the basis for my argument (as it is probably the best arc of his, from what I can tell).  What matters is his potential, which I feel typically has been underutilized.  Anyway, off we go.

So the Captain started as a skinny white kid who just wanted to kill some Nazis.  But in the end, he was just too small and frail and wasn’t allowed to simply enlist.  But then he was allowed to participate in a program that would make him stronger, faster, bigger – in essence, the perfect soldier.  Which he became.  Obviously, that is what he became, but I’ve heard some flak because he sort of just “got” better.  I would disagree.  Steve Rogers was a man with a goal, with a mind-set – to help people.  That’s why he wanted to enlist – not because Nazi’s are anti-American or fascist or whatever, but because they were hurting people (most famously the Jews, but don’t forget the large number of blacks, gays, gypsies, and basically anybody in Europe who wasn’t a German) violently.  They were waging a war of domination by any means necessary, especially if inhumane.  And he wanted to help stop it.

But he can’t.  He was, for all intents and purposes, bound to a wheel chair.  Imagine being Doctor X, but without the mental superpowers.  But instead, this was a metaphor, for finding that one opportunity.  Over and over he enlisted and he tried again and again and again to help, but he simply couldn’t.  And finally, he got his chance, his one chance, to be able to do what he felt he needed to do.  It’s as if somebody had offered this normal Doctor X the powers he has (which, I might add, anything with the mind is more metagming than anything physical (unless you’re the Juggernaut, but then, fuck you, cuz HE’S THE JUGGERNAUT!!!))  I won’t even cede the awesome shield.  It too is a metaphor, and a simple one at that – his code.  The morality, his ethics, his driving nature than inspired him to become the Captain protects him.  Nothing can stop a man driven to help people – be it bullets, lasers, or even death itself.  His shield allows him to accomplish the impossible, or at least attempt it without fear or hesitancy.

That in and of itself makes him more than just a guy who found his powers.  I’ll also note that he actually loses a considerable amount of the time (though I don’t want to take the time to find sources or whatever) in that he gets incredibly wounded or really just holds on, especially against his betters.  For example, take Captain America and imagine that we’re in a UFC of sorts, only of other superheroes.  Let’s put him against, say, Doctor X.  He’d lose, the guy has crazy brain powers that render his physical abilities essentially useless.  Wolverine – the guy is a mutant and would simply need to stab him in one of his many squishy spots, whereas the Cap would have to essentially break an unbreakable metal to kill him while outpacing the super regeneration.  Gambit, same outcome, he’d lose because Gambit rocks.  Thor, he’d probably lose because Thor is a God on Earth with the thunder of the Gods behind him (also a metaphor).  Spiderman, he’d lose because of the webs, really.  The Captain is not super.  He is a man – a strong and powerful one, no doubt, but still, just a man with the same limitations as any.  He can still die easily.  So what is his only defense against everything, be it bullets, explosive cards, or sharp pointy hand-knives?  His shield.  And we’ve already talked about what his shield represents.  And once he loses his shield, loses his conviction (look up the Civil War plot) he is a weak man again.  In fact, once he surrenders during the Civil War arc (which I’ll go into more detail in a second) and gives up his shield, his ability to be Captain America, he dies.  He is shot on the steps of a courthouse and dies there (again, fuck the time warp shit).

Obviously, he is not simply a flat character, or at least his origins aren’t.  Like Spiderman is a metaphor for puberty (which one could also take this a similar way, really) he is a metaphor for standing behind your beliefs, which are more than just “America, fuck yeah.”  My favorite excerpt I have seen from his comics is something I’ll link to right about here. In it, he recites a Marc Twain passage that he has memorized from his childhood and that has influenced him ever since. What I like a lot about it is also how he’s talking to Spiderman, it gives off this great feel and I can’t really explain it. My summation of the passage is: Every person must speak, must stand behind his convictions: to not do so is cowardice. To simply side with the majority is cowardice. If you feel something is wrong in the world, even when everyone else says it is right, you must stand, even if alone.

This is the Captain. He’s not the government’s poster boy. In fact, if you look at the link, he is the exact opposite, saying that the government is merely a puppet of the people. he is the embodiment of what I feel it is to be at least an American, if not a human being. Combine that with the story of the Civil War arc, and it’s like a great novel. In it, the government is making superheroes register themselves so that the government can use them, and the Cap stands against it. He feels that it needs reform, though he is not actually against the idea. Quite simply, it’s too much too soon, and he starts a resistance (against Iron Man, I might add). And he fights, quite valiantly and almost to the point of victory – until he realizes that he what he is doing is hurting the people he so loves. He sees paramedics, firemen, regular, ordinary people fighting and dying alongside the government forces, and it horrifies him. He so cares for people that he must stop fighting them – he physically can’t allow himself to continue. He drops his shield and is arrested. He throws aside his convictions for his love, and in the end, he pays the ultimate price for it.

It’s astounding, really, to think about it. How intense, how provocative everything is – one comic should be required in any American literature class (guess who I would like to be the protagonist). And now, in a gear shift that might kill most transmissions, picture the movie capturing all this. I know that they want to – it’s why the movie is titles “Captain America: The First Avenger.” It’s going to lead into the Civil War with Iron Man and Thor and everything. They are all related. But I sense that this movie won’t be able to fulfill my lofty goals for the Cap. I fear that they will simply make it a display of CGI and explosions, which would ROB the character. There’s so much they can capture with him, but I don’t trust that they can. If they do anything right, it’s keep him in WW2. That’s his time, it’s where he NEEDS to start – Iron Man can be elsewhere because the character allows it (it actually makes more sense in the present). I don’t know, I’m just… wary. I will see it, without a doubt. But will it be good is a totally different question. The trailer showed me explosions and spec effects, along with bad jokes. The actor, though he’s good, just doesn’t seem to fit the bill quite right – combine it with the fact that he’s one of the Fantastic Four and you see my issues already.

But I guess only time will tell. I know that I will see the movie, and I know that I love the Captain. I still want to get a tattoo related to him somewhere, simply because of what he means to me. But that’ll have to wait. For now, I’ll just keep my wall poster of him up and try to find that clock that was at Hastings again. And yes, there are this few pictures on purpose – I don’t want to litter the message with them. There will be more in later posts, though I promise you that.

SSDD

I know, two in a row, don’t go expecting anything. Anyway, I just wanted to get this out there that I am no longer in shape. I know, it doesn’t look it – I’m totally skinny and totally not-squishy, but really, it’s not because I’m fit. I have little muscle and no fat. I know this because I did a push-up test a few days ago – I barely was able to get 20 consecutive. It took all of my focus, concentration, and energy. I used to be able to do that almost without breaking a sweat. Too top it off, I used to run with Opie like a boss – a mile a day keeps heart disease away. Hell, I even ran outside of class, did a personal 5-k in 21 minutes (which I am proud of given that I never really was addicted to running, I just like to do it). Now, I breathe heavily at the top of the LA building stairs and could hardly run for a minute without feeling the irresistible (yet resisted) urge to just stop. I’m sad at myself.


Just like this, really, albeit with more Chili Fritos

And I’m sick of it. SSDD (Same Shit, Different Day), over and over. Time to stop this bullcrap. I started training again today for running – I’m working my way up. SLowly, though, because I have to lift and run around everywhere at my job. I come home and feel like I fought in WW1. But still, I’m starting doing some basic body-weight exercises again. I’ve got a plan (that I found online, Google it) that’ll get me to 100 consecutive push-ups in 6 weeks if I follow it (that’s 80 more than I can do right now, Jesus). In addition, my family has all started a running program that’ll work us all up from nothing really to a 5k in time for the Heart and Sole Run, which we all want to do. And to complement my push-ups, I’m doing squats/wall-sits every day, increasing steadily in general amount of work done, and burpees. God, I loathe burpees.


Burpees: God’s Punishment to Mankind for Everything in the History of Ever

Oh, and I did mention that I regularly have to haul around bags of dirt, concrete, bark, and the occasional BARBEQUE at work, right? So that’ll help with functionality. Plus I work at my mom’s studio, I’m trying to be an instructor, so I’m probably going to be doing yoga once a day or more (which I really shouldn’t bitch about because she often does it 5 times a day 5 days a week, but I’m still going to). Also, I’m going to have Jared, one of the bad-asses at work who has done martial arts all his life and can punch through two layers of drywall and elbow through one, show me some boxing and ground-game stuff for the next month or so. After that, I’m probably going to join The Grindhouse with Josh and maybe Adam if he wants to and their boxing program so that we can all be over 9000 (bringing our total to at least 27000)


But it is, Nappa – ball-crushingly terrifying, yes; but not wrong

All of this will be happening at the same time. Sort of like Inception, only with my body instead of my dreams (unless… nah I won’t get into that).. Ultimately, my goal is to have a physique like Georges “Rush” St-Pierre. I would put his picture here, but I fear that that would make any accomplishment seem inferior. I’m not really big into the UFC anymore, but I have always known GSP has the best technique and the best physique among all the Welterweights. Quite simply, he is the best looking monster you would ever see. Also, he’s a Canadian who speaks French, giving him the best of both worlds – the accent of the French without actually being a Frenchman.

Oh, and did I mention that I’m trying to gain weight during all this? Right now, I’m right around 155 on a good day after a pretty good meal. I wanna be 170-180, hopefully all muscle. I see my odds, and they get slimmer and slimmer as the summer goes on…

Wow
This is what I got when I Googled “wave goodbye.” I figured that it must be relevant somehow

Been Forever, but I’m Back

This was infuriating enough that I’ve just got to talk about it. Please, watch the video and then understand what happened so that you get the whole story, and you might understand how he could do such a thing.

It’s kinda disturbing, but it could be a lot worse.

Just watch from 0:45 to about 1:15. Critical Mass is a group of people who ride their bikes really just to show that they are on their bikes and stop city traffic. Hundreds of them, and only to stop traffic because fuck you, they’re on their bikes. No other reason. So if you need to get to work, and these assholes have decided on the route you need to use to get these, too fucking bad. Unless you’re this guy. I mean, yeah, it’s terrible. I feel bad for the bikers – kinda. I mean’ they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. They put themselves there and then asked for it more than every 14-18 female MySpace/Facebook picture ever:

MySpace Asking For It
I would have a picture from Encyclopaedia Dramatica, but it’s gone now… I miss it so much…

But still, nobody should get run over (though really, they just kinda got plowed over the tops and sides). Would I run them over? No, but that’s because I naturally am against injuring anybody or anything that isn’t trying to injure me. These people really have no unified messages other than one general, stupid thing: bicycle awareness (which in and of itself is a joke because I am totally aware that there are indeed bicycles and people like to ride them for recreational and transportation purposes, there is little you can do to make me more aware of this fact). So to show that bicycle riders have every right to share the road with vehicles, they’ll stop traffic. When any vehicle aside from a motorcycle is, for all intents and purposes, a tank that can go 60+ MILES. PER. HOUR. If you get i front of them, that’s over a ton of metal going 35 in-town going straight up your ass. The odds are not in your favor of not getting injured – I’m sure that Russian Roulette with a 9mm has better odds of not getting you seriously wounded.

Russian Roulette for Morons
It’s funny because the clip will automatically put the bullet in the chamber.

I just don’t understand the logic. What I do get is a group of smart bicyclists that call themselves Critical Manners. What do they do in response to Critical Mass? Follow bike laws. You know, by stopping at stop signs and red lights, giving proper turn signals, staying in bike lanes when available. You know, polite stuff. That would make motorists much more respectful of bikers if that happened more often. But no, fuck common sense and getting people to like us and understand us by not being antagonistic. We’ll follow real logic, like most smug, self-righteous pieces of wanna-be-hippie shit: instead of showing how the meat industry is terrible because they wash ground beef in ammonia and mix it with ligaments and cartilage to make it seem like more than it is, we’ll just go to a steak house and chain ourselves to the doors; instead of showing how the whaling industry still happens and gathering a petition to increase international control over the industry, we’ll just attack whaling ships because those people are EVIL PEOPLE, not just people doing their jobs, possibly the only ones they know how to do that pays for them and theirs. No, that would be too logical. Instead, let’s stop people from going to work, ambulances from gettin to hospitals, fire trucks from getting to fires, because we are on our bikes and deserve to be respected.

Jesus Agrees
He’s just all right with me, but still, J-dog has my back on these fucking hippies (hipsters? Fuck it, these assholes in general.)

I’ll Take the Low Road: A Rambling of a Newly-Found Rugger

Tonight was my first real venture into a new world. That’s fancy talk for saying that my first real rugby practice was tonight. It was insane. I love this damned game, and right now, I haven’t even really played. It’s confusing as f**k, but dammit, I still want to play. It’s so worth anything that comes from it right now. I’m sorry, I’m almost speechless from how great I feel. I guess I’ll start by schooling the uninitiated in the basics.

Basically, rugby is the only manly and successful member of the football line (that I care about, at least). Basic history is some guys were playing football in England back in the early 1800s, and one, who has this engraved on his tombstone, picked up that ball and ran with it, thus making rugby. It grew into one of the most popular sports in the world, with the Rugby World Cup second in views globally only to the Football World Cup (America needs to jump on the band-wagon). When it came to America, it was played quite well, but as Americans became fat, they slowly morphed rugby into gridiron, which is the NFL. So, in a nutshell, rugby is the successful, manly, healthy son of a popular wuss (aka hipster) and was unfortunate enough to create a fat son that is really only popular because Americans have to be different from the rest of the world (aka, a redneck). It’s if Teddy Roosevelt were the son of a Frenchman and the father of Bubba from Mississippi. You know what he thinks of that? F**k ’em, we’ll play rugby anyway.

So rugby is a continuous game like football, but a contact game like gridiron. The goal is to get the ball from one end to another so your team can score by “touching the ball on or past the try line with force” so that you can score a try or kicking it through the uprights so you can score that way. There are sixteen people on each team, and though each has a specified job during the scrum, in open play, anybody can do anything, including score, run with, pass, and kick the ball. The ball can be kicked at any time in any direction, but it can only be thrown backwards (technically it can be thrown laterally, but that’s a really dicey call that some refs could call a forward pass). Once the play with the ball is tackled, there is a small fight for possession, called a ruck, and a maul is essentially a standing ruck (from my understanding, though I don’t have a grasp on the finer points). Once the winner is determined (by who got the ball) it is thrown out of the ruck and play continues. If there is a foul, the teams scrum (which is similar to the O-line and D-line smashing in gridiron at the beginning of every play) which is pictured below. Further, if the ball goes into touch (or out of bounds for us Americans) the ball can be thrown in via line-out, which is where the teams toss a few players into the air in an attempt to gain possession of a ball thrown into play from the touch line.

So, in a nutshell, it’s the endurance of a footballer; speed of a sprinter; passing, running, and catching skills of a quarterback and half-back; the physicality of gridiron; and the brutality of combat sports.

All without pads and substitutions only allowed for a bleeding injury.

And the occasional Zulu, just because they don’t have enough fun with it as it is.

I mean, it’s hard to imagine that they can enjoy this, right?

I guess you just have to try it to get it (HAHAHA, PUN!)

Coming Soon

This is just to say that I am still here, and I will still be in fact posting my journey. Finals was a bitch (kinda) but it was more or less me being really, really lazy. And I regret that (kinda). So, from next Thursday on through 79+ consecutive Thursdays, I will have another day of my journey posted unless I specifically note otherwise. It should be at noon just like this one is posted, automatically. So yeah, that’s basically it. I’ll also post up any other interesting happenings that go on (I’ve got a good one coming up) that are outside of my quest (though they are also partially included because I am just that meta).

TEH END.

Around the World in 80 Beliefs : A Primer on a Quest


“The Tao that can be followed is not the eternal Tao / The name that can be named is not the eternal name” – Tao Te Ching 1-2

This was originally going to be a little post explaining Taoism briefly, to get the basic ideas across. But then I thought about it and decided that just sharing what I know about Taoism isn’t prudent. I might as well go and share everything I know and learn (since I am constantly learning more and more – I’m reading Analects right now, and I’m looking into Shinto, Mahayana (particularly Zen and Tibetan) and Theravada Buddhism). So I’ve decided this will be a new series in an attempt to glean as much as I can from everything – why just go for the Eastern ones? I truthfully know little to nothing about Protestant, Catholic, or Eastern Orthodox Christianity, Shiite or Sunni Islam, Baha’i, Judaism, Jainism, or Hinduism. I truthfully know nothing about any traditional African, North or South American beliefs. I don’t even really know what Voodoo is all about aside from something Pat Bush is really into (though he says he a ‘Bit’Ov’Thist – Bit Ov Thist, Bit OV That… (he’ll probably beat me for spelling it wrong (I wanted to end with three parentheses))). Hell, even Scientology, even if just for the laughs. So let’s go through it all. Every last bit of everything I can find out there ever. OK, that MIGHT be an exaggeration, but I’mma still do a lot of reading and researching.


“My Kingdom is not an earthly kingdom. If it were, my followers would fight to keep me from being handed over to the Jewish leaders. But my Kingdom is not of this world.” John 18:36

Yet some might then make a very valid argument that some of these things are not really religions in that they worship no particular deity or anything like that. For example, I personally do not believe that Confucianism is really a religion (at least not to me). This is because there are usually two schools of thought for many beliefs – the philosophical side and the religious side. This is because Confucianism is the teachings of one man, who says all of these different “rules” and “regulations” as to how humans should interact with one another (again, I don’t really know a lot about it other than “Confucius say some sex is good, more is better, and too much is just right.”). However, I have been told by my friend Josh, who did a research paper involving the subject, that many saw Confucius as a Jesus-like figure, and thus he is worshiped with “prayers” made to him. I had no idea (hence why I want to learn more), but it shows why I’m going to give two sides to every story. I won’t make it different posts, I’ll just make sure to discuss both sides (if I can find both). And be warned that I am indeed a rambler and probably will ramble on about anything that comes to my head in terms of musing on everything and such. I’ll also probably do one or two “Scenic Pit-Stops” to discuss what history I learn or other books that, while not religious, are considered by many to be very philosophical (for example, the samurai Musashi’s Book of Five Rings or Chinese general Sun Tzu’s Art of War) and talk about what I learn through them.


“Fight in the cause of God those who fight you, but do not transgress limits; for God loveth not transgressors.” The Noble Qur’an 2:190

But I can’t just do everything. At least not right now. So I’m going to do 80 different beliefs, in honor of “Around the World in 80 Days.” These can be: religious texts like the Bible, the Qur’an, the Torah; literature on other philosophies such as Humanism, Atheism, Optimism, Scientology; or possibly even simple “historical” texts on other beliefs that are traditionally more oral like Voodoo and Norse, African, Celtic, and Native American mythology and animistic beliefs. Further, in more honor of the piece that this title comes from, we’ll go from location to location in geographical order, ie from East to West to East. I’ll start with what I know and am in most interested in, being East-Asian beliefs, particularly China and Japan. From there to the Middle-East and Eastern Europe, then Central and Western Europe (Greece is going to be such a pain… I might need to get creative with Greece and Rome and all that). Though this does seem a bit off, since I’m covering large chunks of Africa now with other posts (aka, Christianity and Islam) I’ll then do traditional African. Jump over the Atlantic and we’ll do North then Sotuh American (Mayans and Aztecs will be really interesting), and Hell, just so as to not exclude anyone, we’ll look into the Pacific Islands as well (I ❤ Mana!).


“Odin is the All-Father. He is the oldest and most powerful of the Gods. Through the ages he has ruled all things. He created heaven and earth, and he made man and gave him a soul. But even the All-Father was not the very first.” – Prose Edda

So there it is. It may not be great, but I’mma do it for my own personal benefit. And I’m not going to put a schedule on this since, well, I think that that could just be insulting. I mean, who am I to decide that I can totally understand Christianity at all, much less in a week? With that said, I will try for one a week, but no promises are made since I have school and reading the Bible, the Qur’an, a book studying Thor and Odin and all the rest of Valhalla may take more than a week. In fact, this will probably be a big part of my entire life. But we all need to get started somewhere, and a survey is usually the best way to get going. I also will attempt to be considerate with everything so as to not offend, so my usual humor may be absent (don’t worry, I’ll still throw in my scathing posts that crack all y’all). So for now, I disappear into the nether of stuff.


What, I can’t be serious all the time.

We Don’t Get Engleesh 1

No, seriously, I’mma try and prove it. America’s problems are all based on the fact that we don’t even know our own god-damn language. Watch me prove it.

Really, this is a really small rant. Really small, but still, important. First, we don’t know what organic means. The first definition I found, as from Dictionary.com reads thus: “noting or pertaining to a class of chemical compounds that formerly comprised only those existing in or derived from plants or animals, but that now includes all other compounds of carbon. ” The much-easier-to-understand definition is listed second: “characteristic of, pertaining to, or derived from living organisms.” Which makes perfect sense. Organic is related to organism, which is anything that is alive (aka, not rocks).


But what are these?

So that makes sense as to why we can label corn and bread and beef and people-meat organic – they came from something that was once alive. Hell, from that definition, I might want to call coal organic. So that leads me to ask… if we can label one particular brand of corn “organic” is the next one not? Is the organic corn really corn and the other, usually cheaper brand of corn really very small, very yellow, very squishy rocks? Hopefully not.


If so, Gorons would love the inorganic corn.

Then why did we label one corn organic? It’s no more alive than the other corn. We somehow have decided that growing something without pesticides or “genetic engineering” or whatever the Hell “organic” food means allows us to call it organic. Why? Because nobody gets English. There’s probably a proper word out there. Any word other than organic for things that are already f**king organic. Hell, I’d even take “green” corn simply because it has been decided that a color can mean eco-friendly. That’s just not worth the fight.


Would green corn be peas?

And I’ve decided that, because of this whole lack of getting our own damn language, America is really screwed up. This is just a small example that just hit me recently, but it was the one that allowed for more pictures, which I like posting. I’ll probably go more into later, but I don’t want to right now. I’m too busy enjoying a nice glass of organic milk (case and MOTHER F**KING POINT!)

The Interwebz and Catz – A Addicshun

PLEASE NOTE – MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR STUPID PEOPLE THIS IS A LESSON LEARN FROM IT!

I Can Has Cheezburger

Everybody has some sort of vice. For that guy, it’s alcohol; for that girl, it’s crack cocaine; for that priest, it’s molesting. Maybe you have to have a coffee in the morning or you “just can’t function” I dunno, what am I, your mother? Look, it’s just kind of a fact that everybody has some sort of addiction. Mine is lolcats.


The bastard that started it all.

Well, was may be more appropriate now. I’ve been clean for a long time now. Go ahead, laugh at me, just like Fluffy up there. You may think I jest, but alas, I do not. See, lolcats can be seriously addicting. And you don’t realize how in the hole you are until you hit rock bottom. Allow me to elaborate. Until graduation, I did not have a laptop – I do now, but that’s only slightly important in that it inspired me to kick the habit. Now please, cut me some slack because the numbers are no longer accessible and it has been some time since I brought it up (the pain and whatnot), but I drift. I had over 1000 individual lolcat images saved on my hard drive. If I remember right, it was right around 1200.


1000 Roubles ~ $32 > the amount of money Opie has. Therefore, I had more lolcats than Opie does money.

If I had screencaps, I would show you just to prove it irrefutably. And that was just cats – it started it all. If you will, locats are like pot in that they are gateway and you get the munchies while feeling that warm fuzzy feeling. Because then loldogs came, followed by lolbirds, lolsquirrells, I even had a select few lolbears and lolgoats. I saved every single one to my computer, to a gross total of two or three hundred. But then, things got bad. Really, really bad. See, I had been slowly saving various other non-animal related lolz I had seen as well, so I called them just that – lolz. At first there were few only a few of them, until I realized what they really are – just a special, non-specific subset of the infamous Demotivators.


You can find more on my Facebook. Seriously. PS, f**k your flying sharks.

Do realize that I have not even begun to tell what I was actually doing. I was intentionally hunting these out attempting to find the best of the best and the wworst of the best and the worst of the worst and all that other shit in between. For hours, I would sit at I Can Has Cheezburger, flip through the pages until I found the exact lolcat where I had left off, then I would go forward until I reached the end. I never added any until I found my starting point so that I wouldn’t have duplicates, and I will say with great confidence (and lots of shame) that I did not have a single duplicate. It was a terrible addiction, because once I was done at ICHC, I went to GoogleImages search. Which is where I found my brand new subset of lolz – Dirty Lolz.


The tamest thing I could find while still being true.

For the love of all that is good and pure in this world, never, EVER fall down that road. It is a terrifying road. Absolutely terrifying. I wasn’t even looking them up to… get my own rocks of… in that sense. It was the collectors syndrome – I don’t have THAT one, so I totally need it! Really, I got no pleasure out of them once I made them my job. But I got lucky in that I got a laptop and didn’t want to cram it full of shit, and now they are gone from my desktop. I got out. But you may not be so lucky. Avoid lolcats all together. It’s just not worth the risk kids. At least, don’t hunt them out. If one pops up when you’re surfing, laugh at it, enjoy it, and move on. Don’t categorize them, number them, make them your screensaver and have so many that you can watch it for over an hour and a half and not see the same picture twice (I SERIOUSLY DID THAT!). because next thing you know, you’re going to see yourself type “underboob demotivator” into GoogleImage Search and you will have hit rock bottom. Learn my lesson, kiddies. Learn my lesson and save your souls, your psyches, and your retinas.


It’s only fitting.

The Great Trip Game – A Scored Adventure!

So.  I have wanted to do this for a long time, and I legitimately think that, if I spend the bare minimum and save the maximum, I can go on a cross-country trip next summer (and if not this one, the next.)  And by cross-country, I mean that I’m crossing the country.  In an airplane.  The ocean too.  Until I reach the British Isles.  So I’m going to the British Isles next summer (I hope) and I’ll be there for a  month, I think.  And I’ve only been in an airplane once, so I’m guessing that it’s going to be kinda like the Indiana Jones movies.  Which means that I sleep with a fedora over my eyes while a red line just magically teleports me to where I want to go.


Kinda like this, only not.

Since I am leaving the country, I plan on having a total blast.  Like, such a blast that one could only survive it in a fridge (kudos, you know who you are).  I’m going to see Stonehenge.  I’m going to make faces like every other fucking tourist at the Royal Guard (aka, the dudes in the furry hats).  I’ll probably hop over on a ferry over to Ireland and see if they think Bono is a pompous ass too.  Go up north to Scotland and visit where my family came from.  See the sheep.  And I will drink.  A lot.


This will be me, boots and all. My folks will be proud.

Why will I be drunk ALL THE TIME?  Drinking age is 18.  In both Ireland and the UK. It’ll be the best way to meet people. And by people I mean easy hot British chicks (though I better stay sober enough to tell my syphilis from my crabs).  Awesome.  BUT!  I can’t just have drinking be the main goal – and that’s where this game comes into play.  I’ve decided to make a list of things to do, a Bucket List, if you will.  And I plan on making it awesome.  But it can’t just be any bucket list – otherwise, I have no incentive to actually do them this time.  So, I’m adding a nice twist – points.  I have made my 3-week journey to the British Isles a game.


And yet it won’t take even nearly as long as this godforsaken game.

So I need some help with my list and points values, which are totally open for debate.  I’ve already got it started, but I don’t feel like putting it down just yet.  I’d like to see suggestions and points values from others before I make my own.  Maybe this will set up the path for progeny of other 18-year old Americans like me.  And it will become the ultimate game of “Who can score the most points.” So let’s throw some ideas out there, ladies and gentlemen!

-JoshUA

The Love Conundrum: A 2011 Discusssion

Another lecture, and this is not quite so general or man-based.  I know that everyonee, regardless of gender, race, creed, or cell phone provider has felt extremely strong feelings somebody not related to you (and please, don’t be totally gross).  Perhaps a boyfriend or girlfriend, or, if you’re lucky like most of us, perhaps not.  Regardless, the potential for attraction exists, and probably has come to fruition.  But now let’s begin the conundrum.

I recently told somebody that I love them who is neither my girlfriend nor related to me.  She has, in fact, been dating someboy for over a year that iss not me.  This woulod normally be considered a bad thing because I more or less am “attempting to break up the relationship.”  However, this is not true, and I will explain more later.  After I told her I loved her, she said that he wouldn’t leave her boyfriend for me because she loves him.  She was shocked that I told her I didn’t want her to, at least not for me.  In fact, after we talked further, she has yet to talk to me since we ended the conversation.

When I told her I loved her, I in no way had any romantic attachments to her.  I didn’t want any then, I don’t now, and I probably won’t in the future (never say never).  As I told her, I just want to be “there.”  And that’s all.  I wanted her to know when I told her I loved her, that, no matter what happened, I would be there.  She could be drunk in the Heights (though I don’t know of her drinking) and call me at my house half-way between West and Laurel, and I’d go get her and take her home.  She could just want somebody to talk to, and if she called, I’d do everything in my power to be there.  I see her, or think about her, and I wantt to take care of her and make sure that she’s OK.  And I don’t understand why that’s so hard to comprehend without the romantic attachments.  I am assuming that, when she told me she loves her boyfriend, she means the same thing I do – she’d do anything for him.

Society has seen the idea of love and decided that it doesn’t seem to need to jump on the sexual revolution bandwagon.  Sure, a father loves his son and I love you, man, but this has yet to come across between a man and a woman.  There is the whole platonic thing, but that has truthfully lost the “love” that it used to have.  Today, it’s a platonic relationship.  And there can be a relationship without love.  This does not mean that friendships can’t have love within them, but if such is the case, is it said with the same sense of conviction?  Would you see this person and do anything that asked for almost without question?  Would you tell them that they should not talk to you for their own good?

This is where the conundrum arrives – where is the error?  Why is there such confusion?  Is the problem in that society has associated love for a member of the gender of attraction (girls for straight males, guys for straight females, etc) with romantic ties?  Or is the problem in thinking that love cannot truly exist in the true sense of the word without a romantic attachment?

Consider this a class discussion.  Everyone and eeveryone (though especially 2011 auhors) are welcome, and in fact inited and almos expected (by me) to attempt to put in their own two cents on the mattter.  If you have nothing to say, then say nothing.  But if you have a view, an answer, an opinion, evidence, a joke, anything, please, let everyone know.  I know my opinions, but I’d love to hear another point of view.