BILLINGS, MONTANA– According to sources from three different stores, a local teenager purchased school supplies alone today.
“He just walked in here, grabbed a notebook, some binders, a few pencils, and some other crap and left,” said Wal*Mart greeter, Edith Shruuden. “He must have no life or something.”
In addition to a notebook, some binders, and a few pencils, the adolescent was rumored to have purchased eco-friendly Sticky Notes, a wooden ruler, and copy paper. Local Target store shopper Fred Huffman believed that the seemingly innocent school supplies were being used for a more sinister purpose.
“Eco-friendly Sticky Notes and a wooden ruler? This guy is clearly an eco-terrorist. Nobody buys earth friendly products,” said a concerned Huffman on Saturday night.
The area teenager stopped at Target, Wal*Mart, and Barnes and Noble. He purchased multiple items at Target and Wal*Mart, but only purchased one sketchbook at B&N.
“Yeah, that kid was weird. He awkwardly walked into the store, looked at the Moleskine notebooks for a bit, and then settled for a cheaper brand,” noted a Barnes and Noble cashier, who asked that his name remained anonymous. “He was pretty clumsy too. He dropped a nickel when I gave him his change.”
After purchasing all of his academic utensils, the area teenager went home and spent the rest of the night watching Saturday Night Live and checking Facebook like a total loser.
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