love | the twentyeleven project

It’s 5am. The birds are singing morning melodies outside my window. The night is aging and the stars are slowly losing their dark mystery to the morning haze. My mind is at ease and my thoughts are collected and calm. Unusual for me after being at such an amazing party (Bear Bash!) But instead of drowsiness, worry, anxiety, or the countless list of “things Anna MUST do” running through my head, I am filled with peace and a sense of security. Sure, my future is uncertain and a giant leap from my former way of life, and yes, in only two and a half months I will be driving to California, my new home. However, I have no fear. No worries. And strangely? No regrets. I look back on my high school years fondly, with warm memories and even failures that have aided me to be stronger. If you knew my back story and the things I went through, you might ask “How can you look back and feel so… good?” The truth of the matter is, I think I’ve realized something very important about life. Through these four years if teenage drama, massive piles of homework, hectic schedules, and personal tragedies, I’ve learned that every bad situation is not the end of the world. Every time it seems like I had fallen too far to get back up, God proved me wrong. He reached out His hand and said, “Let me help you with that.” I look back with a smile on my face. With warmth in my heart. I hit a lot of bumps in the road and accumulated a few bruises, but for every bump, there is joy, for every bruise, there is healing and love. High school has taught me to be my own person, and not to define myself by who hated me or who enjoyed my company. Rather, it taught me to define myself by God and His unending love. High school was a time for everyone to figure out who they were, and that journey continues into college, the work force, or the armed forces. Our lives are all connected and everyone has a story. Everyone has something you don’t know about them. And everyone is on similar journey’s. No, we don’t lead the same lives, but we all struggle, we all hurt, we all dream, and we all love. We aren’t as different as we would like to think.

Despite the many bumps I hit, I don’t regret a single one. Because each bump has a story. Each bruise has a lesson behind it. And if it were not for those specific lessons and stories, my life would not be the same. I would not be on the path I am today. God has a plan for each and every one of us. He isn’t some kid sitting on an anthill holding a magnifying glass (I love that movie…) Rather, He uses those bad situations for good, and He uses them to mold us into people of strong character, integrity, charity, and people of God’s love. God is a huge part of who I am and of my life experience thus far. He has shown me my errors, corrected my perceptions, and taught me how to love. My patience with people has grown exponentially, and my love for myself and for God’s Creations has followed suite.

Although this chapter of my life is over, a new one has begun. I plan to take the lessons I learned in high school and apply them to my future goals. I dream, I imagine, I create. I strive to succeed, and strive to live every day like it could be the last I’ll ever have. One very important lesson I learned from high school is that you never know when another curveball might come. You never really know when your life could be turned upside-down. So instead of defining yourself by what you do (sports, music, activities, academics), define yourself by who you are (loving, kind, generous, strong, honest, etc.) Don’t waste your time trying to be somebody else or please someone else. Don’t try so hard to “fit in” if the mold you are attempting to fill will harm you and compromise who you are as a person. Look ahead to the future, but don’t wish your life away waiting for the next step on the “ladder to success”. Live in the moment, and make every second count. Living in the moment does not mean try to party and live recklessly, but it means to live your life fully. To fulfill yourself and others. To love, to laugh, to learn. To truly live. Pour into others. Create long-lasting, strong relationships built on firm ties that are not shrouded in lies, petty envy or deceit. It is NEVER too late to mend a broken relationship, or to apologize for a wrong that happened years ago. It is never too late to forgive or be forgiven. It is never too late to love those who did not treat you well. And it is NEVER too late to say yes or no.

Life is a journey. Take it one step at a time. Keep your goals in mind, but remember that today only happens once. Strive to live your life to the fullest. Remember to live, laugh, and love. But most of all, keep positive and try to live life with no regrets.

Signing out, listening to the bird sing me to sleep,

I am yours truly,

Anna

This past week for me at least has been a pretty big conglomeration of feelings.

Initially, the overwhelming feeling was the idea that this is the last holiday I will spend at home as a high schooler. Next year, I’ll be off somewhere, doing things I want to do, meeting new people, and learning new things.

Then the next feeling came. The next feeling was about how much I have. I am so lucky to have the people I call friends and family. And that was a very good feeling.

Then the next feeling. The fact that I’ve been let down a lot recently in the matters of the heart. I wish I could go on about that, but I have a feeling no one wants to read that. So, in short, it seems I’m just not worth the trouble of a relationship, only a fling.

Then another. Lonely. Lately at school I’ve been quiet and only go there to do my work and leave. I don’t like it there. And I can’t wait to graduate.

My other life outside of school is fine though. My friend Jessie has been gracing me with her presence consistently, and that makes me so happy. But it’d be nice to have a little something else too.

But the encompassing feeling is this: love. I am in love with my world, and everyone else’s. The fact we can all interact with words, gestures, and contact amazes me. I’m in love with all the unique traits we all hold and how that makes us all different. I’m in love with how we intertwine with shared interests, glances, or feelings. I love how a simple noise, scent, or touch can transport us all back to the good and the bad.

Right now I’m listening to Winter Song done by Ingrid Michaelson and Sara Bareilles. This song was an anthem for my last winter.

“Is love alive?”

And despite all the let downs, my irriations, or my desires left unfulfilled, I believe love is alive. It may sound cheesy or something more akin to what you would hear in a poorly done Hallmark movie, but I believe it is. Because I’m in love with everyone. No matter how much I may not like some of their traits, or attitudes, I know that they are human, and we will always share that common ground. In my opinion, that alone is pretty amazing.

So this is the new year, we’re moving on and claiming we will better ourselves.

For this year I only have one resolution. To love more, without fear of the damages. I need to look past my fears, and my self conscious manner and just enjoy everyone, even if that may be a challenge. And I hope you all do the same.

This song below, is the song that’s been the theme of my winter. My favorite part, “words are futile devices” is what I’ve been thinking about lately. Listen, love it, and love more. It’s a lovely song. And I can’t stop listening to it. It’s something that I’m going to bring into the New Year, musically, I think.