TLC: A Senior’s Perspective.

After reading Joshua’s post, The Love Conundrum: A 2011 Discussion, and Kelci’s response to that post, I feel that it is somewhat necessary for me to chime in to the discussion (partially because I’m the “boss man” and partially because Josh invited the twentyeleven blog to discuss the issue).

The Professor’s lecture discussed the meaning of the word “love” and what it means to “love” someone. I agree with many of his points about what it means to love someone and that loving someone does not necessarily mean that you like them in a romantic way. However, modern society has created a distorted connotation for the word “love” and what it means to love someone. Furthermore, clueless younger folk (*cough* Freshmen and junior high students *cough) further distort the word by saying that they “love” their current boyfriend/girlfriend when they are too young to even understand what it means to love someone.

You should not say that you love someone in a romantic way before you graduate high school. You simply aren’t mature enough. Your concept of the word “love” most likely comes from cheesy Hollywood romance flicks and other love stories. There may be a few exceptions to this, but in most cases people in this age group have not lived long enough to realize what love is. (I could discuss at length how ignorant young people are when it comes to love and whether or not they think they “love” someone romantically, but it would take several blog posts and some effort… Something I’m currently too lazy to do. Perhaps another time…)

To keep with the theme of this topic, I suppose it would only be appropriate to also discuss my current “love conundrum”. It involves a “damn” girl who happens to currently fall under my “wow” girl standards. Unfortunately, I’m neither a “damn” guy nor a “wow” guy for her, and she barely knows me… I think she knows my name, knows that we have three classes together, and probably knows that I may like her. Other than that, I would assume that she doesn’t know much about me, nor do I think she would like to know any more about me.

If I look at this from a totally realistic and logical perspective, it’s just a crush. I don’t know much about her beyond the fact that she’s beautiful, smart, funny, and already taken. She’s also very popular and not exactly apart of my crowd… (Or am I not apart of her crowd? I suppose that would depend upon whose perspective you’re seeing this from.)

So yeah, she’s got a boyfriend. As if that wasn’t already a giant roadblock, I also face the whole “she-doesn’t-know-who-the-hell-I-am” problem. In addition to this, I don’t think I really fit her “standards”. For some reason I can’t see her being attracted to a skinny, pimple-ridden teenager who is occasionally stricken by social-awkwardness whenever she’s around… Because of this, I’ve started to combat the acne-plague and also lift weights again, with an emphasis on my biceps and pectoral region. I’m also looking up various tips on how to go about talking to her online, and most of them are simply telling me to do what I already do whenever I talk to girls. (Perhaps I’m mentally just a natural born playa, ya know? 😛 )

Unfortunately, there is no way for me to get a clear face and big arms overnight. Building muscle and getting rid of acne takes time, and in that time frame I may lose any chance I ever had of dating this girl. I also may miss opportunities with other “wow” girls. I also may be just wasting my time trying to “perfect” myself for a girl who will still most likely never go out with me and whom I will eventually become disillusioned with shortly after the crush is over.

This then begs the question, “Why bother trying?”

Imagine it as a thirst for redemption. Two years ago, I was in a very similar situation. I spent a semester thinking about her and how I would love to go out with her, and then I lost my chance. I said “tomorrow will be the day” everyday, and I never made any progress. I wrote songs. I told my friends. They encouraged me, but I failed. I was too scared of rejection. After my final opportunity passed, I was stuck in a state of semi-depression for a few months. I was filled with a sense of ambiguity about the situation and my thoughts were filled with a plague of “what ifs”. What if I did ask her out? What if I was buff? What if I actually took the time and got to know her? What if I didn’t just assume?

After that, I told myself that I wouldn’t let that happen again. Now that I find myself in a similar situation, it’s difficult to just “give up”.  So instead of giving up, I’ve placed myself in a stalemate, and spend my time improving myself rather then saying “tomorrow I’ll ask her out”.

Is it still stupid? Yes. Do I really care at this point? No. When I fall for a “wow” girl, nothing else seems to matter. I make playlists and mixed CDs (one I made recently was entitled “LMH v2.0”). I write extensively about what I’m feeling, what I want to do, and how much I would love to be with her. I’m filled with a sense of hope and optimism. I also begin to change my appearance. I usually begin to start ironing my clothes when this happens, and sometimes I even change my wardrobe up a bit. I become more concerned with my appearance and hygiene then usual (which is usually a good thing). I read. I write. I listen to my iPod. I check out Facebook constantly for status updates. And when all else fails, I blog. (Fortunately, a song hasn’t risen from the chaos that’s going on in my mind.)

So that’s it. Comments, questions, concerns, etc.? Leave ’em below.

– Will

P.S. That was a thousand-word epic of a post… I’m pooped. I also feel like a giant weight has been lifted… It’s refreshing.

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